2009

I'm a happy-go-lucky person, I do what I like to do and I go where I want to go. But who would thought that this laid-back-couch-potato-do-nothing brat would turn out to be a responsible and loving nanay to a colicky child. I used to envy my friends who already have babies 'coz I saw how happy they were, but bearing a child was the last thing on my mind. I know I'm not ready yet. Isn't it obvious?! I'm not mature enough to handle a family of my own, and even to act according to my age was somehow hard for me. I'm young at heart and at my age I still love to play with my brother, cousins and even our neighbor's children. I always laugh my heart out that annoys everyone that can heard and see the way I act. I was always being scolded by aunt's and by my ina of my attitude and they keep on telling me to “grow up!"

I had past relationships, some of which were to be cherished but most was better left forgotten. The last one was I think the most unforgettable but somehow a little complicated. We have been beau for almost six years. In our six years, we have encountered lots of problems in our relationship.

Year 2008 is not a good year for us because when it was the year that we almost parted our ways. We had lots of misunderstandings, we argue much and we never had peace of mind. March 2008, when we both agreed and decided to cool-off. We try to give each other space and we cut our communication. I tried to be brave and strong. I controlled myself to cry even if it's the hardest thing to do but I did. After two months, I had received a text message and he was the sender. His text goes, “Hart, can we please tok? Two mos had passed and I realized all my faults. Can u please give me another chance?” I still love him so I gave him another chance but with a little “pakipot”at first!LOL! To cut the story short, we're back in each others arms. After just a few weeks, we're starting to have problems again. He was based in manila so we are in a long distance love affair!haha... I was shocked when I went home that he was there at our house. He said he was there to solve our problem.(eu na plan i2! taienah!)

Weeks passed and I was doing fine as days went by, but some changes occurred. I was eating twice as much as I was eating before, and I was craving for some foods and early in the morning. Then, I loved to eat milo instead of drinking it. I feel hungry in just few minutes after I ate, imagine I just finished eating but still I'm hungry. I use to eat calamares and its aroma really, really makes me crave for it, 30 pieces of calamares is enough for me. I even drink the sauce of it!weird! By that time I had a feeling that I'm pregnant. So I decided to buy a pregnancy test. while doing the test, I was nervous but at the same time excited to see the result. Finally, I saw 2 red lines, it's positive---I'm preggy... My initial reaction was to shout and then I was stunned.

I told my friends about my situation but they considered it as a joke! I let them see the kit, then they just stared at me and they said, “Ayup, nyata ta nagpasapol ka!” then they laugh their heart out! There's no problem in confiding with my ina about my situation because she is very understanding. When I went home I told her that she was going to be a lola and became speechless. And a few minutes, she just said, “kidamlag magpacheckup kana.” I hugged her tight. When I tolf baby's dad about my situation, he was so happy and said, “see, naaus ta problema ta.” Ngeyk!un pla un! And he immediately offered me to marry him but I turned it down. I was not yet ready to be tied!hahaha. We have discussed it a lot and we even quarreled about it a hundred times. He keep on offering me that but I always said no! Time will come maybe!hehehe, I'm waiting for Albert Martinez kc!bwahaha...

As days went by, my cravings became more unusual and strange. Pineapple is my favorite and I will feel so depress if I couldn't eat even a single slice. Burger, spaghetti, french fries filled my stomach and baby liked it. I had the desire to eat "santol" but it was not yet in season that time. I also crave for buko and I'm flattered 'coz my friends were very supportive. Tin and Juju would drop by the buko store before going to work so that I will have something to eat. I even ate the “nagaraya” of Vann when I saw it, hahaha. Why? Why? Why? I also crave for Avocado good thing the canteen offered it and Ate Cecile and I ate because that time she was also pregnant. I really vomit everytime I smell the aroma of our dear canteen. And whenever I see their foods I'm starting out to be sick! Nang would usually give me star apple and I really, really appreciate it. And would you believe that when I was just two months pregnant I hate to take a bath! (Ewww, yucks. Baglaon) I hate the scent of soaps, shampoo's, cologne and the like. That time all the bawal the best for me, ice cream, softdrinks and junk foods. It feels so good when I have those. I was also so moody. I had a hard time dealing with my situation, I had to cope with morning sickness and vomiting, dizziness and laziness too, hahaha... Taba, is my greatest enemy when I'm pregnant!hehehe, I just hate him that time, I even don't know why and also Sir Jason, hehehe (peace men). It's really, really, really weird when one is pregnant. Wheew, good thing it ended.

Loosing the baby inside me was my biggest nightmare. It was my biggest fear. Getting rid of my baby never crossed my mind, the hell with the people who can't accept my situation. The mere thought that life was beginning to blossom inside me gave me enough courage and strength throughout my pregnancy. I used to feel so alone but as my tummy was growing bigger and my hips wider, I feel like a complete woman. When I have no one to talk to, everyday, I used to tap my tummy and tell my baby to wake up so that I will have someone to talk to already, funny but that was the most depressing days of my life. I was happy particularly when I felt movements inside my tummy. The feeling was kinda odd, but it made me smile. There was even an instance that I was sound asleep, when baby suddenly moved and won't stop. Maybe my baby was playing inside my tummy. Maybe she was braiding my intestines! Hahaha! Thoughts of her filled my mind throughout the day, 24/7. I was so excited.

When I was 8 months preggy, I went through ultrasound and we found out that it's a baby girl. During ultrasound, my OB said that baby was staring up when I laugh. Maybe she's happy too. Unexplained emotions filled me when I saw her on screen and heard her heartbeat and saw her move. Hayy, the feeling was so peculiar, I wanna buy all the pink dresses and other baby girl stuffs right away.

March 18, 2009, oh my gosh! The moment of truth, hahaha. After attending the perpetual mass, I went home and eat “kalamay” hehehe, yummy! After a dew minutes I fell asleep. It was almost 7:30 in the evening when my ina wake me up to have my dinner when I felt that I have squirted. I checked it and walah, there was a streak of blood in my undergarment. I was so, so, so nervous. I can heard my heartbeat and I'm also shaking. I knew that baby already wanted to see me. Ina made me calm. I said I'm okay, there was no pain yet. But the most memorable experience is yet to come. Hours later, I felt pain already but it was still tolerable. I even fell asleep. But as the pain grew, I thought that I will give birth already but it was false alarm. Believe it that time, I still managed to send text messages. I still can run a bit when the pain is there it's my way of battling the pain but labor was indeed so painful. It's a burden that no one could help me, except myself. I remained calm but I wanted to cry but my brother would say, “sus, uno na yang awong mo di na mapinta,” then I laugh. He repeated it and the third time he said that, I yelled at him because the pain is really killing me! I don't know what to do to ease the pain, but of course the only way was to let my baby see the world already. But it was not the right time yet, my only recourse was to hug ina when the pain attacked. But the pain just grew intolerable labor after labor.

When the doctor called me, I was again nervous, feels like I have committed a big crime and I was guilty...hehehe! The doctor asked me to lay down. I was so shy, oh my gosh, shy talaga parang virgin ba na wala pang nakakakita!hahaha... Then they put a catheter, oh damn it hurts so much. They are adding pain, gudness, masisipa ko pa, hay! I'm really begging if they can help me not to feel the pain, please give me a tranquilizer, but they just laughed. I even told the doctors that I already want to undergo euthanasia (mercy killing). They all laughed. But how could they laugh when I'm in so much pain?! Grrrrr. They told me that if I will be nervous they will be forced to have it caesarian. After hearing it, gosh I said, Doc, di pwede, kaya ko yadi, then ireeeeeeeeeeeee! That was my first attempt to do it, baby is still inside my womb. Then I touched my tummy and talked to baby, I said that she should not let nanay any longer, minutes later the doctor said that baby is ready to say hello to the world. They told me to tell them if there's pain and they told me to force it. They counted, one, two, three, push! Second attempt, still not successful. I even told them that, “doc, wait, nauudo ako! Time first!” they laugh out loud while I was starting to cry.

March 19, 2009, 6:31 P.M., in just a few minutes, I already heard my baby cry. I wanna cry too. The doctor let her lie on my tummy... So cute.. She's so big. The first thing that I uttered when I saw her was "Oh my God, galing ba tlg sya saken?" She was facing the other side so I did not see her face yet. All the pain and weariness vanished. When I saw ina I gave her a thumbs up. We were all so happy that at last, after the difficult labor, I made it! That was the hardest yet the best moment of my life. I named my baby, Yna Naomi Faye de la Torre Paguio. And now, she brings so much joy in my life. When I arrived home all my stress and tiredness after a day in work disappears when she smiled at me. Hayy, basta di ko tlaga maexplain ang namamatian! Basta yun na yun. You can feel it too when you become a mother! And for those who are already mothers, di ba I'm right or right?! bwahahaha