letTinG gO

By letting go, we actually allow more

of the mystery of life to come in for us.

Isn't that what we wanted all along

Freedom like a stone

Maybe we were wrong

But I can say goodbye

Now that the passion's died

Still it comes so slow

The letting go . . ."

Letting go. It is difficult for us in so many ways and on so many levels. Yet life calls upon us to do it, over and over again. Letting go is part of our growth process. We cannot move on to the new while continuing to cling to the old. There come times, in the context of love and romance, when we must learn to let go. For some of us, as described in the song, we must let go of a past romantic relationship. Maybe the relationship was not meant to be: perhaps it was hurtful to us, or perhaps it was hindering the personal or spiritual growth of one or both partners. In this case, even when there may still be feelings of passion, or attraction, or just the comfort of the familiar, we must be strong in letting go of something that is unhealthy for us.

“I think men are afraid to be with a successful woman,

because we are terribly strong,

we know what we want

and we are not fragile enough.”

Perhaps we have no problem leaving the person behind, but we continue to harbor animosity. In this case, we need to let go of the anger: holding onto anger does not serve us - and it might even serve to create problems in our physical health or emotional well-being.

In the realm of romantic relationships, some of us need to let go of unrealistic expectations. Whether we have idealized a past relationship or just read too many romance novels, some of us need to let go of the myth of the perfect lover: the fantasy of a relationship that requires no work and just brings us "happily ever after." By letting go, I am not implying "to forget" or "to ignore." By all means, we should carry with us the happy memories and the lessons we have learned from our past relationships. However, we need to let go in the sense of releasing emotional baggage we may be carrying around with us, so that we may be open to, and present for, a new relationship. The difficulty of letting go can be like a dark and ominous cloud that -- even on a sunny day - looms on the horizon.

Many of us have trouble letting go of old ways of viewing people who have been part of our lives for an extended period of time. They may be changing, and yet we do not let go of viewing them in the same way, and/or we try to discourage that change. We refuse to let go of the labeling, categorizing, and pre-set expectations we have of those we know, and of ourselves. This seems particularly true of many parents of teenage or young adult children. There is a saying: Let Go, Let God. For most, if not all, of us, the letting go that we most need to do is a type of surrender. We need to surrender to life, itself. This means that we need to let go of our illusion that we actually can control most aspects of our lives. In many cases, rather than to fight "what is," we need to learn to accept and to be at peace…

Too many of us are trying to keep a tight grip on things that are out of our control. This is like trying to grip the water flowing in a river. Put your hands into the river. If you try to get the water by grabbing it and clenching your fists, it goes right out of your hands. If you relax and open, gently cupping your hands, the water flows into your palms. By relaxing, opening, and trusting, we can hold onto more of what is precious to us. By letting go, we actually allow more of the mystery of life to come in for us.

Maybe we really need to let ourself grow, let's give each other a chance to have peace of mind. Let's try to keep a bit of respect for ourselves for us to gain the confidence we've lost. I think this could help us to know ourselves better. Maybe if we try to give each other a spcace we can realize the things we have done in the past. You know how much you mean to me and I'll keep it that way!

-nhe_032104